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Friday, August 26, 2016

Feathery Fridays: "Hey Girl!" "Sorry, I've seen bigger cocks ..." youtu.be/539_HJOoSAU


youtu.be/539_HJOoSAU

Peacock needs to read Neil Strauss’ pickup artist Bible “The Game,” STAT! Except Neil proposes "PEACOCKING" to pique females ...

@ Lujan Zoo, Buenos Aires, Argentina

The Whorely Virgin Channel on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzvyGucBo1XBwiEPwc36eHw

This video on YouTube:

youtu.be/539_HJOoSAU

...

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Throw Up Thursdays: Is this how SNL writers feel?


I'mma schism the interwebs with my new brainchild "THROW UP Thursdays," where a THROWback I UPdate in a better, more entertaining version of "Reacts."

This is my old text, in normal, Arial font.

THIS IS MY NEW TEXT, IN CAPS.


Jerry Springer: The Anna I LOVE HOW I ASSUME YOU JUST KNOW WHICH ANNA and Sergei/Pavel/Insert Name AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, PENIS Here Saga


Before You Proceed: If you have a low tolerance level, heed my forewarning. My sense of humour GENEROUS often knows no boundaries; it can be downright hilarious (maybe wishful thinking…), embarrassingly pathetic MORE LIKELY, repulsively insensitive MOST LIKELY, or all of the above. >>>>>

Have the outrageous, lunatic guests on Jerry Springer ONLY RIVALED BY MAURY ever fascinated you for hours on end (boring spring break that year, okay…META META)? How would the Anna and Sergei/Pavel/Insert Name Here saga unfold on the Springer stage? Somewhat challenged in the imagination department LIKE ME? Fear not, for I have done all the MEDIOCRE work for you…

Jerry: On today’s show, “Rich Russian Women About To Be Married To Rich Russian Hockey Players But Have A Sexy Secret To Tell.” SNL, EAT YOUR HEART OUT. Our next guest is a celebrity. Please welcome, tennis player Anna Kournikova!

Anna: Jerry, daHrling! {kisses him on either cheek}

Jerry: Anna, tell us a bit about yourself. With Wimbledon on right now, how did you manage the time to come on our show? JERRY IS CULTURED, BRUH.

Anna: Well Jerry, I am a beautiful woman who grew up in Russia, and I play tennis WITH BALLS! I am here because…Well…I missed my opponent’s serve on her match point…On purpose of course, so I could be here today! ANNA LEGIT COULD NEVER WIN BACK WHEN I WROTE THIS. And the officials at Wimbledon said that I could try again next year! Not everyone gets invited back, only the best of the best…So I am so very happy to be able to go again next year. THIS ALL READS SO DIFFERENTLY THAN WHAT I HAD WANTED. IN TODAY'S WORLD, SHE SEEMS POSITIVELY OPTIMISTIC. I WAS AIMING FOR CLUELESS :/

Jerry: How lucky are we audience?! To think Anna purposely missed her match point to be on our show! AGAIN, JERRY'S INTENDED SARCASM COMES ACROSS AS WHO KNOWS WHAT. Well, let’s get on with it, shall we? It doesn’t matter how Anna got here, it just matters why she is here. As you know, today’s show is about “Rich Russian Sluts AHH THERE WE GO, I mean Women About To Be Married To Rich Russian Hockey Players But Have A Sexy Secret To Tell.”

Anna: Yes, I have a sexy secret to tell to my fiancé, Pavel Bure of the Florida Panthers. I'VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE. THEY WERE ENGAGED?!

Jerry: Well, let’s bring out Pavel Bure first then! {ever so dorky and ugly WHAT IS THIS? I ALWAYS FOUND HIM TO BE GORGEOUS, SO ... THIS IS SO WEIRD. Pavel Bure walks out and does his Miss America Pageant wave}

THIS IS ANOTHER TO BE CONTINUED. I'M TOO LAZY TO UPDATE MORE THAN ONE SCREENSHOT, CAUSE "LIFE."

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Travel Tuesdays: Free yourself in Gran Canaria (Bandama Caldera)! youtu.be/M1hxgpcM1Gs


youtu.be/M1hxgpcM1Gs

I love the outdoors. Could you tell? When's the last time I featured something indoorsy?

@ Bandama Caldera, Las Palmas, Gran Canaria

The Whorely Virgin Channel on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzvyGucBo1XBwiEPwc36eHw

This video on YouTube:

youtu.be/M1hxgpcM1Gs

...

Monday, August 22, 2016

Makeup-free Mondays: Does this cover "suit" you? youtu.be/pW7zH3L8diY


youtu.be/pW7zH3L8diY

These Makeup-free Monday covers are TRULY makeup-free (just like me). They're one-take recordings where I simply turn the camera on, and whatever flows, flows. You'll be witnessing the creative process in action and up close since I tend to change whatever I feel - lyrics, rhythm, arrangement - on the fly. I then upload raw and unedited, so you'll always see and hear a funny surprise or two.

Like my facial expressions, which'll be a comic constant. I look like John Mayer having sex with a slasher flick.

Songs:

Justin Timberlake - "Suit and Tie"

@ My Patio, Vancouver, Canada

The Whorely Virgin Channel on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzvyGucBo1XBwiEPwc36eHw

This video on YouTube:

youtu.be/pW7zH3L8diY

...

Friday, August 19, 2016

Furry Fridays: how Team Canada basks in Olympic gold youtu.be/kWDOnfVwSTs


youtu.be/kWDOnfVwSTs

Team Canada sunbathing and relaxing after owning the podium in Rio 2016.


This albino kangaroo is clearly Canadian, what with the red and white ;) To me, the pink of her nose, ears, and other parts is red enough.

@ Maru Koala and Animal Park, Phillip Island, Australia

The Whorely Virgin Channel on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzvyGucBo1XBwiEPwc36eHw

This video on YouTube:

youtu.be/kWDOnfVwSTs

...

Throw Up Thursdays: what 14-year-old angst looks like


I'mma schism the interwebs with my new brainchild "THROW UP Thursdays," where a THROWback I UPdate in a better, more entertaining version of "Reacts."

This is my old text, in normal, Arial font.

This is my new text, in underlines.

THE NICE GUY NEVER GETS THE GIRL 


aka, Some cliche fanfic 'bout wub. This was my first fanfic at age 14. Be kind, Steph.

1:

Carrie:

I stared blankly like my mind right now out the airplane window. Outside, everything seemed to be so carefree and limitless. The fluffy white clouds gently danced across the faint blue sky, going wherever they pleased. The sun’s rays knew no boundaries, shining light onto every high mountain peak and every low valley wall. Wow, just ... Can descriptions of the clouds, sky, and sun ever NOT be try-hard in a story? Why, then, did I feel my heart pressing against restraints when the outside world had none? Fine fourteen-year-old drama.

“Baby Princess, what would you like to drink?” my dad asked, interrupting my deep thoughts. Yes, my parents divorced and sad me created the fictitious dad I always wanted.

“Um… I’ll have a can of tomato juice Daddy,” I replied, and my dad relayed my response to the flight attendant. Because I'm too much of a Baby Princess to talk to the flight attendant myself.

“What’s on your mind Baby Princess?” my dad inquired, his eyes reflecting genuine concern. “It’s okay to be grieving, but you have to move on. Aren’t you excited to move to California?” NO, I'm not excited. I'm fucking grieving. Leave me alone.

To me, California was not a foreign place; it was like my second home. 'Tis true. In real life, I have family in Cali. My parents actually met in California, while they were finishing their graduate studies at Stanford. Ah Stanford. DJ Tanner, Jesse Spano, and my uncle convinced young me to REALLY want to attend Stanford. Turns out, I was too poor and dumb. After marrying in San Francisco and residing in a small, upscale neighborhood for several years, my parents decided to move to London and pound there. Since both my parents were originally from London, they decided it be best to raise a family there, and then Brexit out. My sister, Susan, and I both spent our childhood in a sheltered, wealthy British neighborhood. We often spent the summer getaways in our mansion near San Francisco. 
In case you missed the obvious, I'M FUCKING RICH IN THIS STORY!!!  However, the fun getaway I had always known, would soon become a place of refuge for my dad and me. Get ready. 

A few short weeks before, my mother lost her battle with breast cancer. Damn, shit just got REAL quick. Now I'll feel pricky with my dicky comments. I felt a huge part of my childhood, my memories and my dreams, drift off with my mother into another world. Regular Dylan Thomas right there. I felt like I was to blame for her death; I had aspirations to become a doctor. FFUUCCKK I had even won a scholarship to Stanford University, my mother's University, to attend medical school. What the actual fuck? However, a scholarship to Stanford was insignificant to me, since my mother would not be able to relish in my accomplishments.

(This line denotes a scene and perspective change.)

Uh, why'd this story have to go all dark like that?! I'mma leave this for a few weeks before I return to it.